Switching pleasure

      14 Comments on Switching pleasure

I had the following post almost finished when I read Submissy’s thoughts on pleasure as a submissive and it kind of clarified my own thoughts about it. The pleasure derived from submission is very different from the pleasure derived as a dominant. It is one of the things I really like about being a switch. A quick note: Even though I generalize some points every honest D/s dynamic is unique and valuable. The following is how it works for me.
This post is for Tell me About “Pleasure” and Wicked Wednesday “Sex and BDSM” because it just fits so well for both topics.

Submissive Pleasure

If you have the time I suggest reading this post about caning and crying. There you will find a perfect example about submission and the kind of pleasure I derive from it. Submission is not about sex (and I mean intercourse) but about power. Even though many play sessions end with me masturbating in front of Ma’am as a reward. But this is also more about power and humiliation than the actual sexual gratification of an orgasm. It’s more akin to aftercare.

What I like about being submissive is giving up control or even better having control taken from me. It is about being weak, being needy, begging to be touched or fucked but not getting it. Being humiliated or made to humiliate myself. It is very much about pain and suffering. About punishment. About forgiveness after receiving 20 strokes with a cane for making a mistake or hurting her feelings. I like how it blends together with real life.

It sure is nice when our play leads to her riding or pegging me but it is only ever an additional and different kind of pleasure. My needs as a submissive can be met by play alone with the occasional masturbation as a reward. It is much more about the headspace I am in than actual genital pleasure.

Dominant Pleasure

Things are very different when I am dominant. You can read a nice example here. Dominance and sexual pleasure are very much connected. Everything I do, the spanking, the bondage, the physical dominance, my stern voice even my playful anger will ultimately lead to sex. Like my cock is the ultimate tool for dominance and punishment.

I think this is ultimately a very primal and male perspective (at least for me). Humans have sexual dimorphism. Males and females not only have different sexual organs but do exhibit other physical differences like height, weight, strength and inborn aggression. It does not say anything about our roles in society, which are much more flexible nowadays, but we also can not completely escape our basic biology.

For me it is the thought of just taking a female for my own pleasure. The sexual dimorphism gives me as a male the active and aggressive sexual organ, it gives me size and power to overcome a female’s resistance and I can just get the pleasure whenever I want. It is especially intoxicating and exciting for me as highly sensitive person, because in real life I am very empathic and conscientious. Now of course one can not do such things in a civilized society although it sadly happens often enough.

It works either way

But it can be done within a consensual power exchange. Both sides can almost regress to their basic primal sexuality. The submissive can feel overpowered, used, helpless, hurt and punished while the dominant can feel the rush of power, the sexual pleasure and lack of inhibition. I deliberately wrote “both sides” because humans are such sophisticated animals that it works with either sex in either way.

There are of course other aspects to dominance (and submission). It often involves a very caring and protecting element. And this is part of the power exchange. I receive the right to take my sexual pleasure, to satisfy my primal urges and to mete out punishments but I also promise to care for and protect her. There is a good reason why most people regard aftercare as such an important part of play.

Maybe to put it very succinctly but also a bit blunt

Dominance is situated in my cock while submission lives in my head.

Wicked Wednesday

14 thoughts on “Switching pleasure

  1. Posy Churchgate

    It is interesting to read your discussion of what you take away from both sides of the dynamic – the human body combined with the brain can make our experiences so varied. Great that you have shared what makes you tick.

  2. HisLordship

    I think I feel what you are attempting to explain (very well) more that see it. That aura you feel when in the zone is very powerful and really the world is your oyster when there. The submission is head space based when it is around you in day to day activities as well. So very different for everyone I guess.

  3. missy

    Thank you for sharing this. It is so interesting to be able to understand more about how other people feel and respond and I think that being a switch gives you are fairly unique insight into both roles. I had never thought about the difference between things being a head thing for me and a physical thing for HL as having a connection to his dominance and my submission although I can see how each would work to fuel a different headspace. Definitely more food for thought here so thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. a mental switch Post author

      I also found the different answers people gave quite interesting. Maybe you can ask HL. I had a discussion with Ma’am about it and for her it is the exact opposite. Dominating me is pure headspace for her.

  4. Marie Rebelle

    It’s really interesting to read this from both the side of the submissive and the dominant. I found myself nodding when you said as a submissive you want to give up control or have it taken from you. I recognize that. When I read the dominant part, I automatically thought of my husband’s role as dominant, and tried to see whether I recognize what you wrote. Great, insightful post ๐Ÿ™‚
    ~ Marie

  5. MLSlavePuppet

    I love how open you are in this post. No shame about admitting that youโ€™re into shame, wanting to feel weak and all that. I think a lot of people struggle with that still, feeling like itโ€™s wrong. I know I used to. Itโ€™s also very interesting that you have both sides and show us how that works for you.

    1. a mental switch Post author

      I still feel shameful afterwards sometimes. It took like 20 years to accept this part of me. This reminds me I wanted to read that book you told us about a few weeks ago.

  6. May More

    Right -reading this I get why my man likes to have sex after he has spanked or whipped me – u explain it perfectly here –
    “Everything I do, the spanking, the bondage, the physical dominance, my stern voice even my playful anger will ultimately lead to sex. Like my cock is the ultimate tool for dominance and punishment”
    Well said and a very hot thought to.

    It also took me many years to be able to come to terms, and not feel shame or guilt about what i needed sexually, I was slightly dominant as a younger woman -with a partner -but prefer to be sexuality submissive – put in my place! It must be fun being a switch

  7. LordRaven

    excellent in site into how you do you kink. What I enjoy most is how we all do it a little different. Thank you for sharing you perspective I enjoyed reading it very much

  8. DeviantSuccubus

    I quite enjoyed reading this because you took up both sides, and how they give pleasure in different ways, but are both sort of regressing into some primal needs.


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